This is an old post, that I never published... From Sept 11th...I'm just posting March 9, 2017.
My daughters, my beautiful daughters are doing well. They are tolerating their feeds and breathing room air. They are going to the bathroom and are getting used to their feedings every 3 hour schedule. They'll be two weeks old tomorrow and I'm so grateful and blessed, they've done well, since they were born.
What make things hard and very emotional for me is not having them home, not starting my new routine and leaving them every day at the hospital. On a day like today, where there's family in town, football on, it's the perfect day to relax and enjoy my family who, during the week, I barely see. I'm sad that I'm not with the girls. So I'm a little torn.
On the physical side of things, this time has allowed me to heal, better than I'm sure I would if the girls were home. I'd much rather be feeding and nursing every 2-3 hours, then pumping, but I know it's all circumstantial and going to change in the weeks to come.
Going from worrying about them while they were on the inside, to now having them out, still worrying about them, but not having them within my sight or grasp is tough. Just like with the pregnancy, I know things could be worse, so I'm counting my three blessings and praying for them to be home when they're ready.
Kanon is also going through some withdrawal. One day the babies are in my stomach and the next they are in the hospital and all he's seen is pictures. You have to be at least 5 years of age to visit a sibling in the NICU, and he's not there yet. So showing him pictures, isn't really tangible enough...but at least he is acting like it is. I guess knowing me, I wanted to have introduced them by now, and have gotten that ball rolling but clearly everything happens for a reason.
We again, probably needed this transition period, to get Kanon at least accustomed to me being home, me asking him for help and additional time to drive home the big brother duties.
Anyway, it's hard for me not to be emotional, with hormones raging, my heart mildly broken, but I'm happy for what I do have and that's supportive family and friends and 4 healthy children.
~ Truly Karae
